ustoo Dead

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Clowns, Face-Painting, and Carnies 

As the craziest and most radical-sounding person on this island we here like to call "ustoo", let me recommend a wonderful sideshow of treats in the blogging world known as The Carnival of the Un-Capitalists (more here). A disclaimer should here be put: I make my own bread and have stopped shopping at major food retailers, choosing instead for the simplicity of a place like Trader Joe's and the love of a good Farmer's Market. I take no medications, save a few vitamin supplements. I never eat fast food and I'd make my own clothes if I could learn how to sew without bleeding. I'm probably the most radically-left person on this blog, as I believe in mass-sterilization of not only the sex-offending variety, but also the people who "can't learn", like certain world-leaders. I believe in the destruction of profit-motive at the hands of a government that will tax businesses at a rate higher than potential profit if the business' profit is made by doing things that are harmful to workers, the community, or the environment. I think the advertising industry should be destroyed, not by government, but by the forced-education of the masses via a nationally well-funded public school system paid for by the sales of sports memorabilia (a law the government will have passed prohibiting anyone save public education from receiving funds from the sale of sports-related merchandise). I dream of a world where Donald Trump has to hold a clever cardboard sign in order to scrape together enough to eat and the people have revolted against the oppressions they've made for themselves with what they buy, what they watch, what they wear, and what they eat. Health care for everyone will be paid for, first through the massive lawsuits brought against pharmaceutical companies on behalf of half the known world and then, as healthcare becomes less necessary because of the general improvement in health because of the nationalized education policies, less money will be necessary to fund it. What money is necessary will come from a radicalized tax policy that taxes those who have made more money than the rest of humanity merely by being rich and well-educated as children, having dumb luck, or through gross profiteering (those few who made their money the "good 'ol fashioned way" will be known by me and will have to pay no more or less than all the other rich people). Also, there should be abortions for all and tiny American flags for others. And everyone should be forced to try homosexuality once.

There are two problems with this that I see: first, sweeping governmental changes will be necessary - specifically, I need to be elected emperor of the world. I promise not to abuse my power any more than has already been described. And I don't want to do this by killing a lot of people (some, not a lot), so you all need to just peacefully agree that I know what's best (and, if not, I know someone who knows what's best).

Second, my current employment consists of being a bourgeois capitalist pig (possibly leading to a questioning of the veracity of what I claim to believe), but I'm doing that just to learn what I hate, I promise.

-Matt  22:00 EST | |

About us:

This weblog is an ongoing, if periodic, effort by several friends to stay in touch, in reading material, and in ideas.

Lucky Luciano is a former Italian Stallion real estate hustler and Benedict Arnold CEO turned shady lawyer-to-be. He lives in Denver.

Ben is a Paramedic and would-be philantropist who lives in Denver. He knows everything about nothing.

Fuzzy Dunlop lives in Manhattan. He is more than capable of standing up to the stresses of a high crime urban environment.

Jess is a teacher. But have YOU given her an apple? No, you haven't. You should be ashamed of yourself. This crazy feminist currently rests her copy of Awakening in Jersey City.

Matt is a pariah, iconoclast, and professor of gambling living in Oakland.

Miguel Sanchez is not Lionel Hutz.

Daddy Brooklyn lives in Brooklyn. He hates Republicans, though he wouldn't mind being ensconced in the landed elite of New York City.

Paul just smoked my eyelids and punched my cigarette.

Ziggy Stardust has no past.

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